Here is an excerpt from my life.

I slowly discovered my sexuality at the age of 14. A year later, I was using a public toilet in my hometown of Mannheim. I wonder why there were so many men standing around in the dark. I was immediately approached, was completely irritated and fled really quickly. But somehow it turned me on.

A few days later, I went to the other public toilets. The same picture. This went on for a few weeks and I watched. Until one day a well-dressed man approached me in impeccable German. Since I was curious, I entered a cubicle with him. He showed me how to orally pleasure a man. It was easy. He gave me ten marks and just said same time same place tomorrow. The seed was sown and it was repeated every day during my summer vacation.

Towards the end of this, I told him that it was over now because I had to go back to school. He asked me which school I made the mistake of saying. Just a few days later, when I got out of school, there was a Porsche sitting in the toilet. He waved and honked his horn. I got in.

He said, I’m Klaus and I fancy you. I was in shock, but also flattered – I was 15, he was in his mid-40s. We drove to another part of town. An industrial area. He turned out to be the owner of a small tool factory. We went upstairs to his office.

A woman of about 25, who introduced herself as Mrs. Müller, his secretary, was waiting there. She offered me a Coke and told me to wait. After a while, Klaus came in. He locked his office door. It was one of those offices, half a floor up in a production hall. He closed the blinds and told me to come in and undress. I blushed because Mrs. Müller was still standing there.

Then I had to lie down across the table and he moistened his fingers and played with my anus. At some point he penetrated me. Screaming pain. Mrs. Müller held my arms and looked deep into my eyes. Her glasses had slipped down a little and she looked into my eyes without any emotion. I will never forget that look. At some point, Klaus was finished and I could hardly walk. He praised me. I couldn’t speak anymore, before he drove me back he gave me 50.00 DM, until in two days, he said. This went on for weeks. He now used Vaseline and I was rinsed beforehand with a rubber Zack and a hose. Mrs. Müller did that.
At some point I told him that I didn’t have any more time and would be going to a vacation camp in Austria straight away. He said let’s see. My parents took me to the bus and drove back home, and suddenly Klaus was there. He talked to the bus driver and gave me a lift.

We drove to the Odenwald where Klaus’ house was in a small village. A kind of villa on a slope. Surrounded by trees. He parked in front of the garage, picked up my luggage and opened the door. He told me to get out and grabbed my neck on the way to the house.

He rang the doorbell and Mrs. Müller answered. I was scared to death. To this day, this woman remains a mystery to me. Once inside, he went to the left and opened a room. Your room, he said. Get some rest first. I stood there with my luggage in a simply furnished room. A bed, a table, a chair and a wardrobe. The door slammed shut behind me and was locked. I was trapped. The windows were also locked, such aluminum handles with lock came after 2 hours. Klaus grabbed me by the scruff of the neck again and gave me a tour of the house. This essentially consisted of him showing me what he called his playroom on the opposite side. It was very well equipped with what I now know to be classic BDSM furniture. Andreas Kreutz in Straf Bock, a gynecological chair. A couch with straps and a steel cage. I was to make closer acquaintance with all these utensils in the coming days.

And as a greeting, Klaus says, you first give me some relief. He pushed me down on the floor and I had to give him oral satisfaction. Then we had dinner, bread with gherkins and liver sausage. Afterwards I wanted to be taken to my room. The following 14 days were a single ordeal. I was raped and beaten at least three times a day. Klaus was simply a sadist. I don’t even think he was gay. He just didn’t care who he fucked. For him, I was your object as a human being. After about three days, I no longer knew whether to sit or lie down. He always asked me if I was enjoying it. I did well to express my enjoyment of the games and praise him. I was in mortal danger, I could feel it. At some point, the 14 days were up, which I only noticed when he came one day, said pack and then drove me back again. To say goodbye, he gave me 2000 DM in my hand. I was praised and dropped off again when the bus came. I went to meet my parents so that they couldn’t talk to anyone. It was a strange feeling, but in the end the 2000 DM won out. That was the monthly salary of an average worker at the time. I had survived and was rich. So a WIN WIN situation? From today’s perspective, not really. The physical wounds healed, I just made sure that my parents didn’t see me undressed. I invested the 2000 DM in a bike, records and finally a visit to a brothel.
I really wanted to taste what sparkling wine was like. Back then, age wasn’t such a problem. As I said, different times. You should remember that too, it’s completely unimaginable today. When the money ran out, I got used to always being liquid. So I had to find more – the only thing that brought in enough in a short time was sexual favors. There was no business to be had in the public toilets. There were only horny people from other backgrounds. Most of them were even poorer than me. Normally not a problem, but I didn’t do it as a favor. I met a distant acquaintance who said that there was a gay cinema in one of the inner city, adjacent districts, whose owner was a gay couple who didn’t take age too seriously. The owner, a short fat gay man, was willing to tolerate us in exchange for certain favors, and so we got a day ticket. He was quick and easy to please. But his husband wasn’t allowed to know about it. It was like a real marriage. They opened at ten and closed sometime in the evening. The business started around twelve and horny suit wearers spent their lunch break relaxing a little. Relaxation through us 20,- DM for the blowjob and 30,- DM for anal. So I served about 3-5 free ones a day. As I said, I’m not gay. It was a business. But I learned everything about men, especially the unappealing aspects. It went on until I was 17 and the school contacted my parents. I got into trouble. I was asked where I was spending all that time, which would explain the absences. Next rule of life. If you decide to lie, go through with it. Only admit to what you can prove.

My parents went to the principal and the result was that I got off lightly. They promised that I wouldn’t have any more absences and insisted that I only study, my mother cried and my father raved for two weeks. My business model in the service sector was over. I was still on compulsory military service at the time. I was sent to a medical organization to sign up for disaster control. You had to sign up for ten years and not join the army. I was supposed to do my A-levels and then go to university. That wasn’t exactly my plan, but because of what happened, my voting rights were restricted. I did it and a normal life began. I put a lot of effort into catching up at school, was accepted into the Maltese for the ten years, graduated from high school and started studying law. A normal life. In the following years I had the normal student contacts and vanilla sex from time to time. I trained as a paramedic with Malteser and did some courses in disaster control. I volunteered as a paramedic at the weekend. That was a happy time.

I met Andrea shortly before the end of my studies. She came from ASB and switched to Malteser International because her boyfriend was also with us. She was just 18 and our first contact was when I was moving furniture when she moved out of her home. Her mother and I got on really well straight away. Later she talked to her daughter and then to me as an example of a young man she should look up to. It was such a back and forth, sometimes soft forgiveness, sometimes her. It was another five years before we got together, but then with a bang. We knew each other well, knew a lot about each other and were head over heels in love. We practically couldn’t get out of bed and then everything hit the fan. She wanted to marry me on the condition that we didn’t have any children. The role of father wouldn’t have been for me anyway, so we got married.

Lots of love, lots of crazy ideas and the will to spend every minute together led us to set up our own business in Hamburg. My parents couldn’t understand this and needed to work with me. Their parents fully understood and supported us wherever they could. They and friends of ours managed to get the financing and we started in Hamburg. after renovation work and setting up the store, we drove a lot.
Blood, sweat and tears. We started the business, so to speak, and were lucky. After a week, two major customers came our way, one of which was Der Spiegel, the magazine. 20 years of restless, insane work followed. That’s a story in itself. At some point, Corona came along and since our customers were no longer allowed to hold events, we had nothing more to do. Before the company went bankrupt, we realized very early on that there was nothing more to be gained and closed down. At this time, my wife started to isolate herself and I realized that something was wrong. She visited friends and acquaintances and family conspicuously often and left me alone, I also fell ill with corona and he didn’t get me out of it properly. Today it’s called Long COVID. I was no longer able to walk, could hardly move and lost a lot of weight. he didn’t get me out of it properly. Today it’s called Long COVID. I was no longer able to walk, could barely move and lost a massive amount of weight. I realized that this must be the end. The wife is cheating on me, the company is over and I can no longer move and am confined to bed. I was in my late 50s, so there was no game over. I was ready to let go and die.

My wife told an acquaintance that she was worried about me because I was sitting there sick and discouraged with nothing to do. This acquaintance looked for us, looked at me and after a few minutes she sent Andrea out and then talked to me. She said if I save your life, which I can, then you’re mine. Deal? I was confused. Of course I was. But what did I have to lose? So I agreed. Then my new life began. Cameras were installed. My morning started at 5:00 a.m. because that’s exactly when I had to virtually serve my new mistress a coffee. I had to write a daily report of at least two DIN-A four pages every day. After getting up, I had to put on dark pants and leave my upper body free. Make my bed with a bedspread and report to Mistress every 2 hours. Announce every time I leave the house and get permission. Record a prayer to her on video in the evening. It was lights out at 21:00. I was also given tasks during the day and especially on the weekends I had to pick out activities to do. There were weekly tasks and spontaneous ones. Oh right, I had to submit a dress proposal for the next day, so I had to clear out the clothes and take a photo and get it approved for the next day. My day was full, of course committed mistakes forgot tumbled, had bad luck from internet failure. Are you car broke down. first rule of slave the slave is always at fault. I did not need to discuss with my Mistress, yes but the internet is down. All my problem and of course I have to be punished I have to take that for granted and accept what I want to think does not matter. so I had to write essays, pour candle wax on my testicles and breasts. Sleeping in my own dog cage bought on eBay and wearing a proper plug at events. Masturbate in public places and cum in 5 minutes and lick the remains off my hands. Collect stinging nettles and use them to rub my legs and genitals with relish, stick peeled ginger in my anus, press my testicles to a maximum of 1 cm using a purchased testicle press and let electricity run through them, attach small neodymium magnetic balls to my nipples and spend the night in an isolation mask that also reduces the oxygen supply.

We always slept naked, sometimes without a blanket on Mistress’ orders. I got cold. Showered you have to scratch the word loser on my chest with a pen and kneel next to the toilet for 1 hour, kneel on rice, 3 hours naked without sunscreen in the garden, have a picnic in the blazing sun etc. All this of course recorded on video. I wasn’t allowed to watch TV, I had to log out of all BDSM sites, I wasn’t allowed to post photos without permission and I wasn’t allowed to buy anything without Mistress’ permission. At the hairdresser’s I was made bald and had to wear a beard. Once a week I had to go to him and have my hair trimmed. It always had to look perfect. I was given new clothes. A certain uniformity was established. Mistress noticed that I was unusually resistant to pain. She always asked me where we both were on the 1-10 scale. I rarely got above three. Mistress was thrilled. The statistical part of her could hardly get enough. She wanted me to get a tattoo. Right forearm motif according to her specifications, but completely in one session, which wasn’t easy. When the tattoo artist works that long it’s not even 9 hours just one break, which is very exhausting and painful at the end. Then she asked for nipple piercings. I put it into practice the same day. You can attach nice things to them, she said. She made me a vegetarian, controlled my diet seven 15.30 – 19.30 were my meal times. oh yes, and I also became a member of the gym. I had to train there three times a week, always with photo evidence.

I suddenly had a full and happy life. No time to think, full support from my wife, who did things together with her. I started to change, especially spiritually. Every day, a night prayer on video changes a person? Only now, with a few weeks’ distance and new experiences, can I understand what moved my mistress back then. When I wake up, the message counter on the app here usually shows something between 25 and 70, most of which are likes of my pictures, but there are always 10-12 chats that open. All men with a wide variety of requests. From on your knees you sow here speaks your new master is so you can not dominate me. I do what you want. Both are funny. In between there is also a trans man or a woman, both are very pleasant. I already know why I don’t want to be a man when I look at the guys rubbing their little piggy dicks, I don’t feel like it anymore. Unfortunately, there are far too few like you or a few others who don’t see BDSM here as cheap pleasure gratification – when I first asked, I took the trouble to try to explain to them the scope of their supposed desires. most of them don’t understand me. I was never like that, not even as a man. My mistress recognized that back then. She also realized that we are at a limit where I cannot take the decisive steps to heal myself. Clever and wise as she is, she changed her strategy. She sent me to the nearest drugstore and made me buy lipstick and nail polish there. In red, of course. I had to go to a sex store in Hamburg and buy lingerie there. I made two mistakes. Firstly, I exceeded the 2 hour time limit and secondly, I simply bought a pair of panties because she didn’t answer for 10 minutes. Of course, I deserved a fine for both. It consisted of having to paint my nails and put on lipstick, put on red women’s underwear. And walking around the house for 24 hours. It was a test. How was my sense of shame? How did I feel? Oh yes, and I wasn’t allowed to use the blanket at night. Apart from the fact that I was very cold, it was exactly the opposite of what I expected. I wasn’t ashamed, I felt good, I liked my nail polish and lipstick, even if I couldn’t really apply them yet. But I had become curious. He noticed Mistress too, of course. We used to talk a lot. She could read me like an open book by now. When you know every square millimeter of another body and pour out two pages of your soul every day, you get to know a person quite well. So she decided to pursue this further. A pair of open sandals, women’s sandals lick of course with heels were the next thing I had to procure . I had to learn to walk in these for 10 minutes every day in the apartment. As always on video. Over the next few weeks I added a bra, a pair of leggings, one or two blouses and more make-up. I had to go to the hairdresser and have my beard trimmed. I was no longer allowed to cut my fingernails. I had to learn to shave and put on make-up every day. After a few weeks, I had my make-up done on Saturdays with my wife and was sent shopping for the ladies’ clothes. Andrea thought that was great. She said every man has to do it once in a while, it changes your perspective and she was right. I was already at a point where my sense of shame was no longer there. I had made some progress as a slave. What I hadn’t mentioned yet, because it was already a matter of course for me and I had been wearing a stainless steel choker with a padlock and, at that time, leather cuffs that symbolized my shackles for a very long time. Andrea keeps the keys to the choker. Except in an emergency, she was only allowed to give them out if she saw in writing that Mistress had given her permission. Simple but effective. I was amazed at the time how little people noticed what I was wearing, or they noticed but didn’t care. Mistress allows me, if anyone asks, to describe my situation in general terms without giving any further details. She said that by now there was no mistaking that I was a slave, which we both liked. A dog tag was added to the ripe neck. An aluminum badge like soldiers wear. It said that it belonged to Mr. Kate. I loved the sounds this combination made with him. I could have a good shower, I just had to take off the armbands, about 10 cm wide and fastened with 3 l buckles. I was only allowed to take them off for family gatherings or when friends came from the south. The gym was no exception. It was there that I experienced the only time in three years that someone approached me. A young fitness trainer asked me in surprise what I was wearing. Together with my relatively clear tattoo, it was clear what I was. I explained to her what I was and was. She was totally fascinated when I told her, Mistress reminded me again and warned me not to forget. Not to make details of our relationship public. I only realized how proud I was to be her slave. Anyway, I wore all that and I was allowed to go out into the world here and there with my make-up on. On Sundays, I had to go to a little party in Mölln dressed like this, or find a nice coffee shop in Hamburg and have a nice coffee there. Now it was time to get my first wig, which I found for very little money on Amazon. The next event I had to go to was the CSD. It was nice that Andrea accompanied me and that was really great. We had several nice conversations. That was the turning point. I felt free and happy. The first time in years that I really had feelings. Real feelings. As a result, Mistress and I have continued to analyze this state of affairs and obtained permission to go outside in women’s clothing for the first meal in a long time where I had a choice. I could have gone as a man, but I could have gone as a woman. With very few exceptions, my choice fell on the woman. at some point she sent me, Mistress, out to buy more women’s clothes. Every piece was photographed in the fitting room and approved by her, everything was very tasteful so not offensive or cheap. I should look like a woman and not like a transvestite beautiful feminine everyday clothes, skirts and tights, but also jeans and leggings all emphasizing her body on all occasions. It was great. Women’s clothes are so much more comfortable and lighter and so much nicer to wear. Skirts are fantastic. I got better and better. In makeup I was interested in perfume and always smelled good. Shaving every day, putting on make-up, dressing up and going out into the world as a woman. That was my thing. At some point, Mistress got in touch with Louis. A former work colleague of hers who is a trans man and a star in the trans scene. I talked to him a lot and it became increasingly clear to me where I was heading. At some point, my mistress surprises you with the desire to become a woman. She almost had tears in her eyes with happiness and joy. From that moment on, our relationship changed drastically. As a result, we quickly became best friends. The price we paid was that she was no longer able to punish me harshly or take pleasure in seeing my pain. I had to put on a mask so that she was able to punish and torment me accordingly. I was depersonalized. one of my pictures in my profile shows me like this by the way a nice thing if you like a slave. We were both unhappy with the situation. Although I was now emotionally a woman, I still missed BDSM very much. So at some point I decided to talk to you. We agreed on a few signs, situations and conversations in which we could slip out of our roles and then talk at eye level. I told her that we could have the DS relationship and then talk eye to eye. I told her that we needed to resolve the DS relationship. And that I love and adore her and want to be her friend no matter what, want to stay. Surprisingly, she reacted with relief and so I was free. As the Gender Equality Act was now in force, I applied to the registry office to change my name and gender. Now on December 3rd I have the appointment there and make that a new birthday she and I talk two three times a week, laugh and are happy for each other. In January I start my psychology lessons, which are needed so that the health insurance companies will pay for the hormone therapy and the subsequent gender reassignment. Thanks, Louis, I got the address of a psychiatrist in Hamburg who is a trans woman herself. I was lucky enough to get an appointment and had a really good chat with her. She understands well what is going on inside me and now we have arrived in the present. In the here and now, as I can’t look into the future, I’ll end the story here. I’ve certainly left a lot out and I’ve left a lot of things out, but I’m not writing a book, just a brief outline of the life of an old woman, a happy old woman. Who knows maybe the BDSM moment will come to me and I’ll have to ask you not to chastise me properly, but since I don’t play with safe and like to gag. I’m not sure if that’s what I want at the moment. But if I do, you’re the only one who can do violence to me, because that kind of step requires trust and, strangely enough, I have that with you even though we don’t know each other. I think I’ll come to you because for the pain I’ve put you through reading this report here, I have to give you pleasure and my pain and tears in return. I pay my debts

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