I sometimes dream very intensely.

This dream has changed over the last few years. The more intensively I have immersed myself in the world of bondage, the more it has developed. Today, I keep dreaming in this direction.

I am lying on a cot in a dark, damp room that smells musty. I am wearing a penitential shirt, like the ones you see in films, and I don’t know how I got here or what will happen to me. I am afraid. I don’t know how long I have been lying here or what has happened. It is dark. Somewhere, a light flickers, but it doesn’t reach me. And it’s quiet around me.

I sit down uncertainly. I look around carefully. I can’t see much. It’s too dark. I can feel the bare stone floor under my bare feet. It’s cold and a little damp. I start to shiver, wrap my arms around my upper body, pull my legs up and listen into the darkness.

After a while, I hear footsteps. They are getting closer. The flickering light reveals a silhouette, but no face. Metal clangs against metal, and the gate creaks open. A deep voice orders me to stand up and turn around. Without thinking, I obey. I was trembling with cold and fear, but I also felt a sense of excitement and tension. What was coming my way?

The footsteps are getting closer. Hands grab my hair, tie it into a plait and put it on my back. Something soft and cool is placed over my eyes. It is wrapped twice around my head and fastened at the back with a jerk. Now I can’t see anything. I have to rely on my other senses. The smell of aftershave reaches my nose. I hear breathing and feel fingers tracing the contours of my neck. The man now turns me slightly. I feel him on my left side. His breath approaches my neck.

Suddenly, I feel a firm grip on my neck and a second hand on my throat, pushing my head back slightly. I hear a whispering voice: ‘Don’t worry, nothing will happen to you that you don’t want.’ Then I feel warm, soft lips gently pressing against mine. The tip of a tempting tongue caresses my lips.

The hands let go and wander down my body. I don’t dare to move.
Once again I am turned around. Now I’m facing him. I smell his scent and feel his breath. He must be much taller than me because he has to bend his head quite a bit. My hands are tied together in front of my stomach with a rough rope, but not too tightly. It doesn’t hurt. And then I feel his firm grip on my neck again, while the other hand gently caresses my face to rest my head on his chest. Suddenly I feel safe, the fear falls away from me. Curiosity awakens and I wonder what he has planned for me.

I could stay like this forever. Safe in his arms. I have no idea who he is, and yet he gives me a strong feeling of security. A feeling of security and trust in this brief moment.

He turns me around. Now I can feel him behind me. His hands are on my shoulders. ‘Now walk,’ he whispers to me and directs me in the desired direction. Uncertainly, I put one foot in front of the other. It’s a strange feeling to be so blind. Automatically, I count the steps silently. It’s not very far. When we reach 120, we stop.

He must have been holding the end of the rope the whole time, because now he pulls on it and lifts my arms slightly. Chains rattle, and then I stand there with my legs slightly apart for a secure footing. I feel something cold and metallic on my left shoulder, and the fabric falls away. The same thing happens on the right side and then between my breasts. Cool air brushes over my now exposed body.

And suddenly the fear is back. It overwhelms me with force. A sound of terror echoes off the walls. A rope is wrapped around my upper body. It is pulled over my chest and underneath and tightened at the back. Again, a chain rattles and I feel myself being pulled upwards. I now have to stand on tiptoes to keep my footing. He hasn’t said another word to me. Just touches, light caresses. It doesn’t really calm me down. A little push, and I’m swinging freely in the air. I fight desperately to find a secure footing, only to lose it again. My thoughts are spinning wildly. Fear, fascination and excitement alternate. They overlap.

And suddenly everything is silent. It seems like an eternity, despair spreads. In the meantime, my mouth has been sealed with tape. I can’t even scream anymore.
So preoccupied with myself, I only notice the movements around me very late. I only become aware when hands touch me. Lots of hands, and everywhere. Only slowly can I concentrate on what is happening again. They are not unpleasant touches. It’s a caress, sometimes a little pat, a pinch here and there.

… and suddenly I emerge from my dream world and am awake … I would like to know what happens next