Before, During, and After the Session

Before the session (BEFORE), expectations, fantasies, and tension, especially in BDSM, can already significantly influence or arouse the experience. Particularly with themes like punishment or submission, the emotional state is often complex: on one hand, fear, uncertainty, or nervousness can be at the forefront, and on the other, a strong inner readiness to engage with the situation by surrendering oneself, showing vulnerability (giving up control), and being at the mercy of another.

During the session (DURING), the BDSM preferences of those involved can vary greatly. Especially with spanking, it often becomes clear how versatile the dynamic can be — regardless of whether it’s a more erotic or a punitive form. In punishments with a real background, it can be very fulfilling and satisfying to allow shame, accept humiliation, and thereby atone for it — whether through one’s own inner reconciliation or that of the other person.

After the session (AFTER), even the memory of the BDSM session can trigger strong arousal. Especially when you’ve been spanked, felt naked and ashamed, and still feel pain when sitting, an intense inner aftermath often unfolds in your mind: precisely those images and sensations that linger most strongly afterward, ones you may not have even consciously registered during the ‘DURING’ phase.

During the Session

During a session, the preferences of those involved in BDSM can vary greatly. It’s worth exploring them together in order to deepen the experience with pleasure. In doing so, desire can be contagious and lead you ever closer to its true core.

Spanking, too, shows just how varied the dynamic can be — whether it’s a sexual or a punishing form. It’s especially important to playfully and sensitively explore preferences and limits, or to discuss them clearly beforehand. This way, the special thrill of the play is preserved.

Especially with punishing spanking, the distribution of roles can create a particular intensity. Consciously distinguishing between the role of the person being punished and meeting as equals can deepen the experience even further. What matters here is not just the act itself, but also how it’s prepared, announced, and carried out.

Below, we’ll go into the various approaches in more detail.

BEFORE

Typically, the receptive partner’s bottom is first prepared by slowly “warming it up.” This is done through gentle, gradually intensifying strikes within the passive partner’s comfort limits. This stimulates blood flow, prepares the body for the punishment to follow, and reduces the risk of injury. At the same time, marks often turn out less severe or fade more quickly as a result. See also here.

Increased blood flow: Gentle strikes, stroking, or light rubbing cause blood to flow more strongly into the skin and tissue. This makes the area feel warm.

Protection against injury: The stimulated blood flow and elasticity of the skin prepare the tissue for the more intense impact, reducing the risk of bruising, tearing, or painful hematomas.

Increased sensitivity: The nervous system is gradually attuned to the coming stimulation, which heightens sensitivity and sexual arousal.

Circulation and endorphin boost: The local and general activation releases substances like endorphins and prepares the body for so-called impact play.

With punishing spanking, warming up can certainly be skipped, since punishment doesn’t always have to follow the desire for comfort. Still, some participants want to feel the pain consciously and intensely, and carry visible marks as a reminder of the experience.

A successful start to the warm-up usually relies on restraint and sensitivity. By slowly increasing the intensity, tension can build gradually without overwhelming the moment. Afterward, the person may shamefully pull their pants or skirt back up, so that, for example, their bare bottom is now exposed before you.

The punishment then continues by hand, with the intensity gradually increasing. At this point, various implements can also be used, such as a paddle, clothes hanger, wooden spoon, hairbrush, cane, or similar objects.

Intermezzo (interlude)

At this point, you can instruct the person to be punished to stand in the corner of the room, with their back to you, and slowly undress. This can be very shame-inducing or humiliating. But this striptease can also be very arousing for both of you!

The person standing in the corner can almost physically feel those searing gazes on their naked body. The shame of presenting oneself naked and exposed, humiliated by looks and possibly words, can be immensely pleasurable. All of this heightens arousal for both parties, simply through the fantasy and desire of what’s about to be done to that body.

But wait, don’t give in to that urge right away. Let him or her stand in the corner a moment longer and tell them to bend over. Your desire and arousal will stir their imagination so much that what’s coming will shift more into longing. All hesitation suddenly disappears, and the person eagerly and expectantly presents their body to you. Then, for example, you bend them over a table so that their bottom is nicely tensed and positioned. This also helps prevent you from striking too high.

In sexual spanking, it may be that it has reached this point and you now move on to sexual practices or other types of fetish play.

IN THE PROCESS

In addition to the usual BDSM procedures such as,

– Don’t strike above the buttocks (NoGo)
– Don’t strike the thighs unless desired
– Strike slowly so the pain can be breathed away
– Or strike quickly for punishments (a proper spanking)
– Crying can be part of the process during punishment
– Take breaks after a certain number of strikes
– Stroke the buttocks soothingly during breaks
– Don’t limit yourself to the passive partner’s favorite instruments, e.g. during punishment
– Spread the game over several sessions
– Long, sustained, even strikes to possibly reach subspace, where you no longer feel any pain. See also flying lesson

Something else that frees you from all conventions: uninhibited, totally pleasurable punishment or inflicting other kinds of pain.

This often leads the recipient to accept everything with pleasure and go beyond their limits. This nonverbal desire shows the person performing the act that you want more, and it can be emphasized by stretching your body out eagerly to meet the strikes, for example. Avoid unnecessary words so as not to break the spell of the scene. Show him what you want, for instance by stretching your bottom out wide toward him when you need it harder, or by begging him not to use the cane, so he knows that’s exactly what you want to be punished with.
Since the whole thing is based on mutual desire, it’s also largely impossible for either of you to lose control. That said, the active partner must also protect the passive one by stopping if the passive partner can’t stop themselves and keeps wanting more, or if injuries such as open wounds become foreseeably possible or blood is already being drawn.

AFTER

Also known as BDSM aftercare, this refers to mutually supporting each other after a session. Here too, this can be desired in very different ways. Among other things,

give the passive partner all the time they need to find themselves again. Ask them, without touching them, whether they’d like some time alone.

– gently stroking the areas that have been punished
– by applying cream to the chastised areas
– the experience is discussed and thus reflected upon
– showing affection, such as holding them in your arms
– Sexual acts are of course possible and can be very intense for both of them

The aim is to counter feelings of shame as best as possible and to signal to the nervous system that “you are safe“. This does not only have to apply to the period afterwards, but can also be useful over a longer period of time.

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– Old school penal institution
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