I sometimes dream very intensely.
This dream has changed over the last few years. The more intensively I have immersed myself in the world of bondage, the more it has developed. Today, I keep dreaming in this direction.
I’m lying on a cot in a dark, damp and musty-smelling room. I’m wearing a penitent’s shirt, like you see in movies, and I don’t know how I got there or what will happen to me. I am afraid. I don’t know how long I’ve been lying here or even what has happened. It’s dark. A light flickers somewhere, but it doesn’t reach me. And it’s quiet around me.
I sit down uncertainly. I look around carefully. I can’t see much. It’s too dark. I can feel the bare stone floor under my bare feet. It’s cold and a little damp. I start to shiver, wrap my arms around my upper body, pull my legs up and listen into the darkness.
After a while, I hear footsteps. They come closer. The flickering light reveals a silhouette, but no face. Metal meets metal and the grille squeaks open. A deep voice orders me to get up and turn around. Without thinking, I obey. I shivered with cold and fear, but a feeling of excitement and tension also ran through me. What was coming towards me? Footsteps approach me. Hands grab my hair, tie it into a plait and place it on my back. Something soft and cool is placed over my eyes. It is wrapped around my head twice and closed at the back of my head with a tug. Now I can no longer see anything. I have to rely on my other senses. The smell of aftershave reaches my nose. I hear breathing and feel fingers on the back of my neck, tracing the contours of my neck. The man turns me slightly now. I can feel him on my left side. His breath comes closer to my neck. Suddenly I feel a firm grip on the back of my neck and a second hand on my throat, pushing my head back a little. I hear a whispering voice: “Don’t worry, nothing will happen to you that you don’t wish for.” Then I feel warm, soft lips gently place themselves on mine. A tempting tip of the tongue caresses my lips.
The hands let go and wander down my body. I don’t dare to move.
Once again I am turned around. Now I’m facing him. I smell his scent and feel his breath. He must be much taller than me because he has to bend his head quite a bit. My hands are tied together in front of my stomach with a rough rope, but not too tightly. It doesn’t hurt. And then I feel his firm grip on my neck again, while the other hand gently caresses my face to rest my head on his chest. Suddenly I feel safe, the fear falls away from me. Curiosity awakens and I wonder what he has planned for me.
I could stay like this forever. Safe in his arms. I have no idea who he is, and yet he gives me a strong feeling of security. A feeling of security and trust in this brief moment.
He turns me around. Now I can feel him at my back. His hands are on my shoulders. “Now run,” he whispers to me and directs me in the desired direction. Uncertainly, I put one foot in front of the other. It’s a strange feeling to be so blind. I automatically count my steps silently. It’s not very far. When we reach 120, we stop.
He must have had the end of the rope in his hand the whole time, because now he pulls on it and lifts my arms a little. Chains rattle and then I stand with my legs slightly apart for a secure footing. I now feel something cold and metallic on my left shoulder, and the fabric falls. The same thing happens on my right side and then between my breasts. Cool air brushes over my now exposed body. And suddenly the fear is back. It attacks me with force. A sound of terror echoes off the walls. A rope is wrapped around my upper body. It is pulled over my chest and underneath and tightened at the back. Another chain rattles and I feel myself being pulled upwards. I now have to stand on my tiptoes to keep my feet on the ground. He hasn’t spoken another word to me. Just touches, light strokes. It doesn’t really calm me down. A little push and I’m swinging freely in the air. I struggle desperately to find my footing, only to lose it again. My thoughts swirl wildly. Fear, fascination and excitement alternate. They overlap.
And suddenly everything is silent. It seems like an eternity, despair spreads. In the meantime, my mouth has been sealed with tape. I can’t even scream anymore.
So preoccupied with myself, I only notice the movements around me very late. I only become aware when hands touch me. Lots of hands, and everywhere. Only slowly can I concentrate on what is happening again. They are not unpleasant touches. It’s a caress, sometimes a little pat, a pinch here and there.
… and suddenly I emerge from my dream world and am awake … I would like to know what happens next